on feeling little


2012 was the year i became little. 

and the truth was... i was always little.  i just didn't truly know it before.

moving makes you feel little.  you walk in to a room and no one knows you.  what you can do.  your talents and abilities and accomplishments.  there is an allure of starting over and living a life fresh in a place with no mistakes, but... really i have just felt little.  so i guess i was putting a lot of stock in being known. 

identity is so wrapped up in what we do and what we have done.  but we can do nothing and be nothing and He would still choose us.  what do we really have to offer the God of all creation?  the "I am enough" generation scares me.  because we aren't and never will be.  but He is enough for us.  our identity, rooted in His grace and love, is enough.

it is has been hard for me to blog in such a state.  when my whole life feels so small, i can't imagine what is the interest in sharing.  so maybe i turned blogging into something unhealthy?  i forgot that none of this is about me.

it is all about our God. to all glory be given.

i also forgot that i don't have to share the depths of my heart to be real.  we might be struggling, but those smiling pictures of our latest adventure aren't fake.  we might be sorrowful, but i still see the lovely in the broken and i am not being insincere when i praise Him for that.  if i can not share our current struggle because it is too raw or too private, that is okay.

so this finding my voice journey. it is about finding my now-little-but-real voice.  and it doesn't feel quite comfortable yet.  but i probably need to remember that discomfort is part of the deal.

i am joining the nester and will be blogging every single day in october! 
full list of posts here.


Andi said...

I echo what gracelaced said- I think that has definitely been my biggest struggle too. This feeling that in order to be honest and vunerable I have to share everything. Such a good reminder for me! Love you and this series so much!


eagerhands said...

beautiful, annalea :)

KateEschbach said...

I like knowing you. This remind me of the legacy of Thérèse of Lisieux - "I will seek out a means of getting to Heaven by a little way—very short and very straight, a little way that is wholly new. We live in an age of inventions; nowadays the rich need not trouble to climb the stairs, they have lifts instead. Well, I mean to try and find a lift by which I may be raised unto God, for I am too tiny to climb the steep stairway of perfection."

Tracy Battaglia said...

oh annalea i feel little in tacoma! I feel so weird walking into the children's museum wondering if I'll make a friend or if everyone will think I'm weird. everyone is there with a friend. lol. I'm on my phone...mateos' playing alone....lonely

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