grief: 18 months later

i have been thinking about how awful i felt last year at this time.  may 2009 was just terrible.  i shared a bit of my heart here.  some of those feelings have been welling up again, as i knew they would.

i stare at my sweet lorenzo's face and think of the incredible beginning to his story.  his life - his being - is beauty from ashes.  he helps me stay tangibly connected to our third child. and has been a balm to my hurting soul . . . as i desperately prayed, but also nervously expected, he would.  

and if may 2010 is difficult too, then so be it.  i can cling to my HOPE and run to my LOVE.  that is the ultimate balm for this soul.  and until then . . . it is okay if i am sad.

sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad.
ecclesiastes 7:3


Joanna said...

i just recently started following your blog and i just had to tell you i am feeling the same heartache you are right now. i miscarried my first baby and his(my husband and i felt he was a boy) due date was May 17th 2007. i still ache every year this day comes around. my greatest comfort has been my two gorgeous children i delivered after our loss, one in july 2007 and the other july 2009. thank you for being so honest and open about your heartache it helps so much to hear other families have the same struggles!!

audrey said...

I know how you feel, I really do. The thing I find the most difficult is that people who haven't experienced this seem to think that the pain goes away, especially with the birth of another child. I will be thinking and praying a lot for you this month.

Mel said...

I am new to your blog, but definitely understand your pain. As I sit here and listen to my 5 yr old sing his way through a game on the Ipad, I am grateful. But, I have had 3 losses, and each one is felt yearly. To us, it is a child we mourn, for outsiders, it is like nothing was ever there to mourn. Thinking of you and all moms who have sent babies to heaven.

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