casualty

the most difficult aspect of this moving your whole life deal has not been living in a rental house with boxes piled around us for three months or my children not napping in their new rooms and being in a constant state of near exhaustion. no, i would have to say that, more than anything, i miss my friends. we know so many people in champaign and many of them our dear friends from our past. but to be honest, i have not done one purely social thing since we have moved here. there is just a difference in how you relate to someone after doing life with them for so long. the church plant to isu forced us to be very close-knit with our friends back in normal. we had to rely on each other and the result was a beautiful family. this is an enormous casualty of this move.

sure, i have had play dates with other moms and gone to church potlucks. but after spending last weekend with karen and her bridal party and then receiving an e-mail yesterday from some girlfriends back in normal inviting me to drive back next weekend to see a movie, something inside of me erupted. i am very lonely. memorial day weekend has just increased these feelings of sadness and nostalgia. normally (no pun intended), jesse and i would be calling the pabsts, sonya, the schrecks, the hayes, the klunkes, and the peters inviting them over for a bbq. we would be cleaning the house a bit and making sure we had enough charcoal. jesse would be mowing the lawn. i would be making burgers and assigning the sides and desserts to our friends to bring.

instead, we are going to be eating alone tomorrow. we will still mow the lawn and make burgers. but we long for the day that our relationships here are as natural and fulfilling as what we were accustomed to. i know that this is possible and even likely, but i am struggling to believe the truth of real community. instead the lies of isolation are taking root. my prayer is for the strength and peace only God can provide.

2 comments:

Maura said...

Everything will sort itself out eventually. Hang in there Sister! Once you move into your new house, people will be just inviting themselves, look at that house! Thats all I would keep thinking in times like these.....congratulations, love you guys!!!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you have had sisters, friends and families to hang out with already, that seems amazing especially with 2 kids, moving and working husband. I am guessing it will take some time and initiation on your part to build into people. It also takes time for others to build trust. Not to hit you while you are down so to speak, I just want you to remember what you know... Family memories and relationship are built over time but we cannot sit and wait for them to happen - they also take a lot of hard work on our parts too! Invite people over or better yet serve them with no emotion or strings attached, that will get the ball rolling!

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