mama tired of being mama

so i am having one of those days, actually two days now, where i am just pooped. not so much physically tired, more of an exhaustion of the mind. i am at this breaking point, a totally selfish one, where i am tired of my job. this state where if i hear another whine about something luca is not allowed to do, another oufit change due to spit-up, throw-up, leaky diaper, messy eating, or wiping hands on the front of a t-shirt, another load of laundry due to these multiple outfit changes, one more time i walk into the kitchen full of dirty dishes when i swear i just finished cleaning, another toy-strewn floor in a room i just picked up, another head of frizzy hair due to missing the blow-drying window after my shower 9which i only get every two days or so), and the list goes on. i just want to worry about me and not be responsible for my children for a little while. i am tired of having toys thrown at me and my body not being my own, but being a human jungle gym. i want to think for more than two consecutive minutes on any subject not relating to their toys or well-being. i am being completely selfish and ridiculous but honest. i love being a mom, and i am blessed to have two healthy children. especially after going through the horrible time of not being able to get pregnant, i just feel awful thinking this way. but i want to escape and the sooner the better for everyone's benefit.

as i write this, they are in their rooms with gates on the doors and i am downstairs collecting myself before the home stretch. when jesse gets home, i am going to use a gift card i have had for 15 months and get a pedicure. yeah!

luca asked me a question this afternoon and i said, "honey, i need a minute. i can't think right now. i am sorry, but mama is tired of being mama." he looked at me and unintentionally but adorably and appropriately said, "mama, sit down."


Anonymous said...

Annalea, you may not remember me, but I went to high school with you and found this blog through Roxie's which I stumbled upon on a WeGo alumni website. I check on both periodically. I have two kids now as well and had a day just like yours today. Thanks for being so honest with your feelings--you are not alone. You made my day--knowing that I am not alone in needing some completely me time. Keep up the honest blogging.
You have a beautiful family.
Kristy Leuze-Mensch

Roxanne said...

Girl- I feel you 2, you are a great Mama and do need to sit down and rest (and get a pedicure :) So funny I used my gift certificate this week too!

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